Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Mom's Spiritual Struggle

 I'll admit I've been in a spiritual slump for the last little bit. The spirit hasn't been strong within me.

Recently I've pondered on this and wondered and prayed for WHY???

Reverence is more than just quietly sitting, it's thinking of Father above . . .
During church, how is a family to be reverent when you have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.

A few weeks ago we had the opportunity to go to some church history sites.  We got to see the Sacred Grove - The site where Joseph Smith wondering which church to join, knelt down and humbly prayed for direction.  As we walked into the grove a sign said to be reverent.  I read this as we walked in with our two kids.  I chuckled at the thought of us actually being reverent.  HA HA HA!  Luckily there weren't very many people there.  There was a peaceful feel while we were there, but I can't say I was overcome by the spirit while there.

A few hours later we were at Hill Cumorah - the site where Joseph Smith was led to to get the Gold Plates.  A similar experience. except this time, I was out of breath; it is a really steep climb and having our littlest in the front carrier, and pushing the older one is the stroller only made it worse.

During the day . . . when it seems evening comes before lunch time. How do I find time to ponder and think on Christ.

OK so are kids the problem . . . NO!!! 

I love my kids and can't imagine my life without them.  I actually think they have been part of the answer to my problem.

How are they the answer when I just showed they are the problem?

Recently I bought some pictures from the distribution center.  One of each of the following: Christ, the Jordan River temple, Thomas S. Monson, and Joseph Smith's first Vision.  I put the pictures on Parkers wall.  As I told him about the pictures he listened well.  The next night, we talked about the pictures again.  Now he tells me about the pictures.  I feel the spirit as we talk about them and I see the light in his eyes as he gets excited about these pictures and the meaning/stories behind them.  (BTW - I still need to work with him a little with the picture of the current prophet - Thomas S. Monson.  Right now he just calls him Thomas (I think it stuck because of Thomas the Train).  I'd hate for him to someday walk up the the prophet and say, "Hi Thomas").

I recently also became more selective in what I'd bring to church.  Sacrament meeting can be long for a 3 year old.  I've decided he can sit still until after the sacrament (about 20 min). After that I'll have picture books about church related things, friend magazines, things to draw with, maybe an eye spy bag or even a sticker book, but NO TOYS (especially cars)!!!

I've recently had two other experiences that allowed me to feel the spirit strongly.  Yesterday I was able to go to my nephew's baptism.  I felt the spirit really strongly there as the spirit witnessed to me the truthfulness of the gospel. I was moved to tears.  I also felt the spirit really strongly at the General Relief Society Women's Conference.  I was reminded of instances in my life when God has taken the time to let me know without a doubt that he loves me as he has literally wrapped me in his love.

I'm not perfect.  God knows that better than anyone else.  He loves me.  I'm sure he doesn't love my imperfections, but that is why he gave me a way to overcome those imperfections.  WHAT LOVE!!!